Thursday, February 22, 2007

Some good reads

I've mentioned from time to time that there are several Skippy's out there. There is myself of course. There is Skippy the Bush Kangaroo. There is also, and this is the subject of this post a Canadian Skippy that can actually write and who (after reading me...) you should put on your daily read list. Lately he has been on a roll. I've been reading him off and on for about a year and a half now. Just good clean fun.

His writing has a certain sharpness to it and if you are easily offended by the F-bomb, he may not be your cup of tea. However if you have, as I do, a certain fondness for off the wall humor, coupled with a pretty accurate awareness of history-then Lil Skippy is your man. Love him or hate him, he'll make you laugh. Unless you just have no sense of humor at all-a sadly growing phenomenon these days...........

Here are some examples of the things I wish I could think of:

Writing about George W. Bush:
For the first time since 1952, neither party is running an incumbent for the nomination. This means that it's open season on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and its current occupant. This is further complicated by the fact that Bush has an approval rating only slightly higher than, say, O.J Simpson.

Bush is widely viewed by not only the public, but much of the political class, as being a spendthrift and perhaps the most incompetent war president in American history. If you'd like to gauge for yourself just how toxic President Bush is politically, pay really close attention to 423 candidates seeking to win his job and note just how often any of them say in public "You know, if I'm elected, I'm going to follow Bush's policies. To the letter. Electing me will be just like giving W. a third term."

Just know that you'll be in for a really long wait. Promising to be "just like George Bush" is to elective politics what promising to be "just like Ted Bundy" is to a first date.

He takes a funny and sarcastic look at the Astronaut Nowak case:

Something else occurred to me as the news of Lisa's arrest made it way around the world. People seemed so ..... shocked. Try as I might, I couldn't understand what all the excitement was about.

So I did what I always do when I try to understand the reaction to a given event, I reviewed the available facts.

We know that Nowak, a 43-year old seperated mother of three, very much wanted to fuck her fellow astronaut, 41-year old Navy Commander, William Oefelein. Nowak felt spurned when she discovered that Oefelein may or may not have been tasting the Tang of one Colleen Shipman.

Lisa decided to do what pretty much anyone would do under those circumstances. She put on a wig and a pair of diapers; loaded her car with a new steel mallet, knife, rubber tubing, large garbage bags, pepper spray and a B.B gun, and embarked on a fantastic journey to win her man. Nowak found Shipman at Orlando International Airport, confronted her and doused her with the pepper spray.

The Man, having nothing better to do, involved Himself in the triangle and ruined Ms. Nowak's love life. Charges of attempted kidnapping, attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery were brought against her. When an Orlando judge saw the rightness of Lisa's ways and granted her bail, The Main filed an additional charge of attempted murder. And that's pretty much where we are now.

Having reviewed the facts, I still found myself haunted by a question that needed answering, "How exactly is this news?" "Doesn't this sort of thing happen to everyone," I wondered. "Or is it just me?"

He has nailed the issue of Stem Cell research:

The Japanese have recently accomplished something I previously thought impossible - the achieved the trifecta of things that drive religious people insane. That trifecta is as follows; the destruction of human embryos, giant breasts, and things that make skippy smile.

The ancestors of the Hirohito Empire have done something so wonderful and so grand that even the Chinese and Korean victims of their savagery might well reconsider their opinions of the Land of the Rising Sun. It takes a lot to make someone forget something as horrible as the Rape of Nanking. Even more for the Japanese to admit to having done it. It has to be something so full of special wonderfulness as to defy description in any language comprehensible by humans.

Well, I have give it up to the Japanese. They did just that.

What did they do that all of God's children can join hands in a 1970s Coca-Cola commercial-style moment of celebration, you ask?

They figured out a way to make stem cells do something useful. Something that could very well outweigh conservative objectives that the ressurected Christ is laying dormant in some Chattanooga feritly clinic's petri dish.

I have this theory that conservatives have been against stem-cell research because all it has thus far accomplished is to make Michael J. Fox shake with indignation and campaign for Missouri Democrats. Everyone feels badly that Muhhamad Ali has so horribly suffered from the ravages of Pakinson's Disease, but we all know that if he could, he'd be hold a press conference conscientiously objecting to the Iraq War. And he'd probably be the Greatest of All Times at that, too.

Thus far, there really hasn't been anything in stem-cell research for conservatives.

Now there is. In the very near future, stem-cells will grow big tits!

Finally this week, he has posted a pretty good analysis of the Barack Obama campaign:

There's another problem with going nasty on Obama. His numbers go off of the fucking charts with white broads!.........

It should go without saying that this phenomenon drives Hannity up the goddamn wall, but there's a more important point here.

President Bush's re-election victory in the popular vote (as opposed to the Electoral College,where gay marriage fetchingly saved the day) rested entirely on the backs of white women who were very much afraid of Abu Musab al-Zarquawi cutting their fucking heads off. Zarquawi might be gone now, but I'm certain that anyone - Republican or Democrat - who holds the blade to Harry Belafonte's throat will pay a very steep price for it on election day.

With Iraq in the shitter, the "security moms" are back on the market. And they're really not looking for Mr. Goodbar. An attack on their man will be perceived as an attack on them. It seems to me that gutting Obama is one of the very few fun things in life that is all negative and no positive.

If you have to break out the ugly stick, you don't do so for someone who can't win, yet would still be a general election asset. You put it in reserve for a real threat to your ambitions. You save it for Al Gore.

Good stuff.


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