Thursday, May 10, 2007
Over at Phibian's place, there has been quite a dust up about the idea that biology compels women and men to make decisions about love and marriage. The Phib takes a woman to task for lamenting the fact that, in order to have a child she has to give up the good life of singledom.
Phibian's advice to women out there? If you want a non-rushed, non-stressed start to having a solid family? Start looking hard at 22; if you have not already clicked with someone yet. If at age 24 you have been dating someone for a couple of years, give him one more year to throw a rock at you. If after 3 years of dating, and you are 25 - if he doesn't want to make it a real relationship - ditch him. At age 25 there is still a large population of good men. If you marry a nightmare loser at 25 and get rid of him in 3 years, you will only be 28. You still have time. Not all the low hanging fruit is missing. By age 30 a few are left. Still there, but very few. After age 30 you need to accept that you may have to get a second-hand man, or a late bloomer. Still doable.
Great. So another woman gets to fuck over a deserving man monetarily, in order to "find herself" . That's crap. Some people can settle down, some people just cannot.
I read something very interesting today. It was an article about the Japanese view of sexuality as it arose in history. In a nut shell, Japan as most Asian cultures do, does not have the incredible hang ups about sex that Americans seem to have. Phrased another way:
" Much of what has shocked Western observers of Japanese sexuality through the ages boils down to a simple but crucial cultural difference: the Christian West traditionally idealized virginity; Japan idealized sex. "
Personally, I think the Japanese got it right and the so called "Christian" West got it wrong. Sex is great. I can't think of anything I like more. And it need not be tied to marriage to have value-nor does that pursuit necessarily diminish marriage and or the having of children.
One of the attractions for me about being in Asia is the sex. Sorry, but its true. To be able to go to some of the places one can go to and experience a virtual overload of sexual pleasures is indeed a great thing. That does not mean that I do not have romantic inclinations towards one particular girl, but truth be told-sexually she is just passing with barely minimal grades. That's OK however because the rest of the time, the company together is quite nice. More effort though would definitely be appreciated. However its probably not forthcoming. I think the law of declining return is starting to kick in. Bad choices again, eh what?
That's not to be critical. However couples with mismatched sex drive have a real problem methinks. For me sex is not optional-its a necessity. Not that I can't function with out it-provided one does not outlaw onanism-but at this point in life I just don't understand why I should. Its too awesome an experience to simply go without.
Sex provides so many highlights to the human experience. Most of the sweetest moments of life are tied to it. Things that just make you sweat on both the inside and outside. For example, that great moment when a woman undresses in front of you for the first time. The great mystery gets revealed: Shaved or unshaved; bushy or simply wisps of hair; pointy nipples or great large round aureola. You can never repeat it with the same woman. However the night that it happens-whether romatic or professional, it is a thing of sheer intensity.
The simple smoothness of the inside of woman's thigh, that part that runs right up to the promised land. Tell me your you don't get chill down your spine running your index finger along it. The feel of a woman's breast. Its curvature, its softness, the simple way it spirals to a peak at the nipple. The way it feels when shaped by the contours of a man's mouth.
The softness of a woman's lips. The eagerness or lack thereof with which she receives the touch of your lips and the ever so quick dart of one's tongue. The gentle touch of the side of her cheek as you inhale the fragrance of her perfume. The curve of the nape of her neck as you kiss it.
Having her legs wrapped around your head as you kiss and lick the honey pot-eating the Vagitarian Diet.:
"Alternate, gently sucking, kissing and licking…if she moans when you do something, note what you did…move away, kissing, then come back and do it again…if she moans again you have just learnt something she likes…"
In the comment stream over at the Phibian's place there is a line about prostitution "attacking marriage". That's one way to look at it. The other is that it preserves marriage, by providing a needed service that seems to be lacking with a whole bunch of brides these days. Namely the provision of blow jobs. Which for whatever reason a lot of women seem loath to provide. Laugh if you want to, but if more women would agree to "worship the bishop" the divorce rate might be a hell of a lot lower. That's why I don't see prostitution as that big a deal-it provides a needed service and probably saves more marriages than it destroys. Provided you can get over the idea that one should only have sex with one person-another flawed idea IMHO. To quote a line a line from a movie,"What we are looking for here is the illusion of fidelity."
I think that human beings have to believe in the illusion of exclusivity-even if they know its not true. And so long as that illusion is maintained, life can be quite fine. However for whatever reason our chemistry tends to revolt at open acknowledgment of sharing the wealth. Its a quirk of our personality that I am not sure why it exists. None the less it does. However, it does not hide the fact that both sexes are always seeking someone new and different. As a former Navy associate used to tell me: "There are four basic needs, food, drink, pussy and strange pussy".
Thus, men get angry if their woman takes another lover-even though they are more than willing to indulge in one night stands themselves. The need for that is defined in one reason-the strong desire to experience , if only once, that total submission visualized by the moment the woman looks up at you, while doing the deed, with a look asking for approval in her eyes. Men know what I am talking about-or should. I suspect women look out of their eyes wanting to see the same thing. That, for that one brief moment, the man is totally submissive to their will.
All of which makes very little sense, and sure as hell does nothing to promote stable home lives, fair raising of children, the earning of income. Nonetheless it constitutes the thing of fantasies-sometimes lived, sometimes postponed or denied-but always present in the human heart. It offends the "moral people", yet deep in their heart of hearts they understand it in a primal way. Casanova succeeded why? Because he knew how to arouse that in just about anyone.
So I say, it takes all kinds. I personally marvel at women who stay single because it works for them. That's because, until I got divorced I did not realize that women like sex just as much as men. I always thought we just badgered them into it.
Looking back over this, I'm sure it reads like a cheap romance novel-or a poor attempt at 19Th century pornography. But its a sentiment, its mine, and I want to pour it out. As I warned you at the beginning, if by now you are offended-its because you chose to be. Otherwise, take what you need and leave the rest.