Friday, March 09, 2007


Long day today-I'm mentally exhausted. And tomorrow is my birthday. A big one-the big 50.

God, it seems amazing to write that! I can remember being a teenage boy of 18 thinking that, and the 21'st century were so far away. Now its here.

Trying to think hard to put it into perspective. Can't really. I feel the same as I did in the 40's-except that I tire more easily now. I definitely cannot "hang" the way I used to even at the ripe old age of 44.

The big thing about turning 50, of course, comes with it the realization that more days are past than are probably ahead. And if insurance actuarial tables are to be believed, more people become susceptible to that whole dying unfairness. That gives me reason for pause.

It also becomes readily apparent that the ability to make radical changes in life and location become more difficult, if not- in some cases- down right impossible. The odds are slim to zero I will ever walk on the moon for instance. Seemingly random choices have risen up and become my destiny. It seems pretty clear now that I will never be one of the rich and famous set. The best that I can hope for now is to live comfortably and happily.

It also means I can't put off writing my Hemingway style novel much longer- if the words were ever really inside of me. I think they are-but I still have to pay bills so just becoming an itinerant author is not quite in the cards just yet. Not without a wealthy patron, an interested publishing company, or a winning powerball ticket.

There is a lot to be satisfied with-I tend to think I've gotten live more of the adventures I wanted to live than many people get to. However there is obviously more to see and do-and I intend to do it.

I will have to wait till next month to give myself my birthday present-a trip to familiar and desired scenes. Courtesy of B. B. Bell, I found out today I'm leaving for Korea 5 days earlier than I was supposed to. Thanks sir, thanks a lot! Don't you know its my birthday?

I took a moment to re-read something I wrote here a while back. Seems like I got the advice right- I wonder if I can still hear it. Or the advice of my horoscope for that matter:

You'll be getting a major dose of warm fuzzies from
a very surprising source today -- and you will like it! Getting closer to people isn't always a matter of choice; from time to time, you stumble upon a person whom you'd never have picked out of a crowd, but who enlightens your life and excites your imagination. Get ready for that type of fun stumble today. Keep your mind open, and be ready to change your plans with little more than a moment's notice

Good! I could use some warm fuzzies. And some cold beer and one of these:

I'm not too old to lose interest in those!

Gotta go now and either celebrate-or cry myself to sleep. Maybe meet the warm and fuzzy person...............................


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